Imposter Syndrome
For my maiden blog post, I have decided to write about Imposter Syndrome. This is something that I have felt PAINFULLY called to write and probably more for myself than anyone else. For those moments when Imposter Syndrome gets me down, I’ll be able to reference back to this to remind myself that I can get through this. If this also happens to help someone else, even just one other person, then that’s even better.
To put it simply, “Imposter syndrome is the internal psychological experience of feeling like a phony in some area of your life, despite any success that you have achieved in that area.” (source)
Now I’m sure you can look online and you’ll find that loads of people have written about this and there’s a plethora of tips and tricks to help someone walk through this particular hardship. I’m not sure that you’ll find anything revolutionary here. What you will find here is my story about my recent (you might even say ongoing) journey with Imposter Syndrome. I’ll end by giving you a small list of what’s helping me to get through rough patches.
When I branched off to create my own business, it didn’t go according to plan at all. While I had known that I wanted to venture into running my own business for a while, I thought I was going to have more warning, and consequently, more time to set myself up for success. Like it seems so often in life, what I planned isn’t how it turned out. Suddenly I found myself with no income, at the worst time of the year, and in the midst of multiple personal and family crises.
The reality was that my full-time job was coming to an end regardless if I was ready or not, so I had some decisions to make. Do I try this business full time or do I look for another job? Deep down I knew that if I looked for another job I would struggle to make my business a reality for myself. I throw 110% of myself into anything that I do and I could not, in good conscience, start a new job without doing that and therefore jeopardizing my dreams. I had enough in savings for 1 month of expenses, so I told myself that I was going to give it a shot.
The other reality that I wasn’t fully aware of at that time is that it is nearly impossible to get a business off the ground and fully support your financial needs in one month, especially with very little capital. It takes time and it takes funds, and I was short on both. While I knew that it took time, I don’t think I fully comprehended exactly what that meant. I knew the first little while of this business venture was going to be challenging, but I didn’t know exactly what those challenges were going to be.
I’m not sure that anyone can fully prepare you for the type of hard that it is, not just on the financial and organizational side of it, but also the mental side. And boy oh boy does your brain play some tricks with you. Or at least it has for me. What are some of the things my brain keeps telling me?
“You can’t afford to do this. you need to stop while you’re ahead.”
My savings running dry and having very little to replenish it with has been the scariest part of this whole process. I have always been someone that pays bills on time and is responsible, so having to get creative and asking for help has been a tough transition for me. It's also been one of the driving forces behind the "Maybe I should look for a new job?" that keeps lurking in the back of my head.
“You’re not a strong enough designer to do this.”
The reality of the job I left is that the last two years, due to COVID and other elements, I was pulled from the creative marketing aspects of my job to help in other areas. This lead to me feeling a little rusty in the elements that I, at one point, was the strongest in and enjoyed the most. When it was time for me to start my business, I felt like I was pulling all the pieces of myself that I loved and utilized the most out of a dusty storage closet, unsure if I had the time to balance getting back into the design game while also building a business. So, in the process of regaining my sea legs, this has played in my head on REPEAT.
“You’re not outgoing enough to do this.”
I am an ambivert by nature, meaning I can extrovert when I need to, but I also enjoy my alone time and get my energy from there. This is something that I've seen as a strength over the years, but when there's a lot of self doubt going on in your head, the introvert in me likes to try to pull rank over the extrovert. This makes it difficult to get tasks done and can cause me to get overwhelmed quickly, leading to shut down.
“You don’t have enough experience.”
I have been fortunate to have a long work history for the same employer and that should be seen as a strength, but in the design world can sometimes be seen as a weakness because it could mean that you lack variety or diversity in your experiences and work.
“You don’t have enough clients.”
When you're faced with little money in the bank account the solution can feel like you just need more clients, but that's actually not always the case. I have to remind myself of something that I learned early on in my career, more customers doesn't always solve the problems and in some cases it can make problems worse if you have broken systems.
“You’re failing.”
This one probably speaks for itself and is the one universally heard around the world by anyone experiencing Imposter Syndrome. This is what all of those other negativities lurking in the back of my head are leading up to, the grand finale so to speak.
Truth
The truth is that all of these are true and not true at the same time. They're basically as true as I allow them to be. I learned quickly that if I didn't have certain coping mechanisms in place, then all of this negative self-talk would eventually actually BE true.
Now I can't sit here and tell you that I've overcome Imposter Syndrome because I haven't. What I can tell you is what I've been leaning on to help me get through it. Some of these may or may not work for you and if they don't work for you then I hope that you'll at least be inspired to figure out what does work for you and put it in place.
How I'm Shutting Down Imposter Syndrome
1.) Have a Solid Support System. More importantly, an Emergency Support Contact List.
I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have family and friends that don't just support me, but cheer me on and I'm grateful for that. The foundation of my support system is my Emergency Support Contact List. These are the select few people who know more details about the inner workings of what I'm dealing with. When I'm feeling particularly low or experiencing a setback, I reach out to someone on my emergency support contact list. This list consists of my parents (specifically my mother), my younger sister (who I live with), my two best friends (one local and one out of state), and two mentors that I consider to be bonus parents. Their job, and they are fully aware, isn't to just give me a shoulder to cry on, it's to also give me a swift kick in the butt when I need it. The reality of Imposter Syndrome is that it can lead to you feeling sorry for yourself real quickly. Don't get me wrong there are times when you need to mourn, but you can't stay there. These people all know when to let me have a cry and when to give me a reality check. Everyone needs people like this in their life, they are the backbone of a strong and effective support system.
2.) Get it Together (Clean It Up)
Have you ever heard the phrase "tidy kitchen, tidy mind?" I remember hearing this in a movie a long time ago and it has stuck with me ever since and it rings very true for me. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I take an assessment of my current situation to figure out what is something I can do to help get myself together. You have to be careful with this one though because it can easily lead to you procrastinating more important items, so I try to stick to a limited list of the top three things that will bring me calm right then and there. Today that means cleaning my kitchen, finishing a business card proof for a client and finishing the first draft of this blog post. #5 on this list can also help to guide this one, but the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive.
3. ) Keep Moving Forward
The goal that I've made myself is to move forward each day, no matter if it's just a little bit or if it's a whole bunch. Moving forward is the only way you'll make progress on your goals. I start and end each day with this in mind. I ask myself each morning, what is ONE thing I can do today to have forward momentum and then I check in with myself again at the end of the day. Did I get that thing done or did I pivot and do something else that helped me move forward? It can be very easy, especially when you're run down, to focus on all of the things not going right. Force yourself to see what IS going right for you and to create more of those moments. My mother tells me all the time, "misery loves company." Meaning that focusing on the negative will only breed more negativity. So I make it a point to give the things going well, no matter how small, the attention they deserve. If I'm having a hard time seeing what's going right, I call someone on that Emergency Support Contact List and specifically ask them to help me with this.
4.) Get INSPIRED
When dealing with Imposter Syndrome, it is likely that you'll begin to feel drained. Not just with your energy, but with your creativity as well. Keeping creative is key for me to keep my energy flowing and the business moving. I have a secret Pinterest board where I save anything that feels pertinent to my business. When I'm feeling down in the dumps with my business, the first thing I do is go to that board and revisit those posts. Sometimes its learning a new skill, or developing a new way to create passive income for my business. I do something similar with the Notes app on my phone. If I'm brushing my teeth and think of an idea that I want to try in the future, I'll make a note of it there and reference back to it when I need to. If that doesn't get my juices flowing, then I'll look through Dribbble or Creative Market for more visual inspiration, or I'll look for TED talks or podcasts that I find motivating. When I'm really down I'll put on an inspiring podcast, put in my headphones and take my dogs for a walk. (Side note: When all else fails, go OUTSIDE.) If you don't have business coming in at that moment, create projects for yourself. This could mean doing something pro bono for someone close to you that has helped you out massively (my current passion project is helping one of my emergency support system members with social media for her small business. She has helped me with copy editing on all of my projects thus far, and has probably proofed this before I even posted), but you could also make up an imaginary company to create something to add to your portfolio.
5.) Get Organized
When I was working in-house marketing at my last job, I remember being strategic and sitting down periodically to plan out social media posts, larger campaigns that required more detailed planning, and events. The first month of my business I just couldn't seem to get my organization together and I couldn't figure out why. I mean, I had a planner right in front of me and I was trying to use it daily, but it didn't feel like I was moving forward. That's when I realized that I needed to treat myself like I was my own client. I pulled out all of the planners that I would use for a client and started to utilize them for myself. Now it might seem silly that I listed 'get organized' after 'get inspired,' BUT hear me out. If you're not inspired, then you can't organize projects that you don't have a game plan for. I'll do a separate post later on on my process. The more inspired you are, the easier it is to organize things because you will not only have the ideas to put down on paper, but you'll also have the energy to create action for those ideas.
6.) Rest When You Need To
The last, but perhaps the most important item on my list for me it to get rest. In college, I developed a bit of a sleeping disorder and if you know me well at all you've probably caught on to the fact that I have a bit of an addiction to stress. All of that said, in college I averaged about 8 hours of sleep A WEEK. This caused my depression and anxiety to go through the roof, which snowballed into a whole bunch of other issues for me. I met with my doctor and we came to the realization that my lack of sleep was, maybe not the cause of all of those issues, but made all of those issues worse. I've worked really hard to gain and maintain a sleep schedule that nurtures me. Like I said, sleeping wasn't and isn't the cure for all that ails me, but when I feel my anxiety and/or depression rearing its ugly head, the first thing I do it take a long hard look at how I've been sleeping. If I've been inconsistent or not getting enough, I immediately implement changes to get it back on track. It might not be the cure to everything, but I'm able to think with a clearer head when I'm rested and when I'm rested the problems look a lot less dramatic. Rest also doesn't always mean sleep. This can also mean watching a movie with a loved one, reading a book or zoning out cooking a meal from scratch, whatever helps you to reset. Give yourself time to do that.
Where I'm at now
While I have not gotten over my Imposter Syndrome and I'm sure that it'll stick around for a bit while I gain my footing in this next chapter in my life, I can say that it's easier to push it aside and keep working since I've implemented the above steps to counteract it. There are good days and there are bad days, but when the bad days happen I take a deep breath, figure out what I need in that moment and start there to regroup.
I don't have all of the answers and what works for me might not work for you, but the key to getting out of Imposter Syndrome is to keep moving. Find the things that support you, nurture you, inspire you and give you life. Do you deal with Imposter Syndrome? What are things that you do to help you get through? Should we start an Imposter's Syndrome Anonymous? Who's in?!
